Peter Spalton is... The Dating Doctor

Signs of Sexual Attraction

By Peter Spalton, the Dating Doctor

When we fancy someone our body sends out signals that tell the other person we’re interested in them. You read them subconsciously and get that warm feeling.

The Attraction Sequence

  1. you look into each other’s eyes a bit longer than normal.
  2. preening… she tilts her head and smoothes her thighs. He pulls his stomach in and smoothes an eyebrow. Both of you move into each other’s personal space – less than three feet apart.
  3. flirting… you both chat, gently tease each other and laugh. Your bodies look like they’re moving in harmony. This builds the anticipation in her and sparks the sexual tension between yourselves
  4. touching… she lightly touches his arm or the back of his hand.

Green Light – How You Know it’s Working

Men are direct and factual, they use teasing and sarcasm to show affection.

  • his pupils widen and his eyes shine.
  • he holds his head high and touches his face near his eyes.
  • he might loosen his tie or roll up his sleeves.

Women are touchy feely, they spend a lot of time flirting and send out a massive amount sexual signals. Some people say they need to because men just don’t get it!

  • her eyes sparkle, she tosses or flicks her hair, touches her throat or knee.
  • she plays with her jewellery, fondles with her handbag or caresses a cylindrical object such as the stem of a glass.
  • her feet point towards him, she crosses her legs as high up as she can.

Red Light – When it’s Just Not Working

It’s just as important to recognise that you don’t click so you can move on to someone else. The classic sign is that they’re bored or distracted.

  • they look over your shoulder, or around the room.
  • they play with drink, bear mat, etc.
  • they make curt responses to your questions.

You can see their negative body language when it doesn’t work.

  • they hold their drink or handbag across the front of their body to create a barrier between you.
  • they often fold their arms or hold one arm across the front of their body. They might stand to attention.
  • they’re not facing you, but facing into the room. They look as though they want to run away.

Men cover up insecurity and lack of confidence by bragging about their good job, fast car, wealth, etc.

When someone is acting guilty and lying they often put their hand over their mouth and find it difficult to look directly into your eyes. Ask them a direct question and watch for their downcast eyes as they try and answer.

As the Dating Doctor, Peter Spalton speaks at events, runs high-energy workshops and coaches people on all aspects of flirting, dating and chatting up strangers.

He has appeared on national TV and regularly does interviews and phone-ins on local r

adio. He also appears in the regional press and has been syndicated by the Press Association. His views and advice have been published on the BBC News web site and Channel 4 teletext. Visit him on the Web at

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