The Dating Doctor - Flirting Basics

Flirting Basics

By Peter Spalton, the Dating Doctor

When flirting most people, particularly men, tend to concentrate on what they say. But the non-verbal elements (your body language and your voice) are the most important.

Your posture and stance shows confidence. Your face and head shows interest in the other person. Your smile can disarm them, your eyes will melt them and your mouth will tease them. Use your fingers to touch them and your movements to catch their eye. And play kneesie and footsie if you feel like getting sexy. Use your mind to think things up that will please them.

The thing about flirting is that it’s about how far you go and it’s different for everyone. Make sure you watch their reaction and be aware that you can go further in a bar than you can at work. Remember it should be fun, so enjoy it. The basic rules of flirting-light with friends and colleagues are…

Posture

You must look confident and relaxed. Straighten up, relax your shoulders and take your hands out of your pockets. When sitting lean slight towards the other person.

Face

Animate your face in response to what the other person is saying, tilting to the side is best.

Smile

The smile is one of your killer weapons. You can use it to totally disarm them. But do not force it, as a spontaneous smile lights up your eyes by making those lovely wrinkles around your eyes.

Eyes

Your eyes are your most important weapon. Looking directly at the other person’s face is very powerful as it portrays trust and indicates interest in them.The ‘flirting triangle’ is when you are chatting together. Look into their eyes, down to their mouth and back into their eyes.The lingering look (sticky eyes) is where you look into the other person’s eyes for a couple of seconds after they’ve stopped speaking.

Fingers

Use your finger pads to touch them and create a bond between the two of you. But you need to be careful. The safe zone is on the upper arm between the elbow and shoulder which you can fleetingly dab with your fingers. Touching their hand is much more personal – you will be taking things to a more intimate level. So go for a light touch with your fingers pads on their hand and watch their reaction. A negative reaction doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you, it could mean that you are pushing things along too quickly.

Space

The distance between the two of you is very important because it shows how trusting you are of each other. A normal distance between people is an arms length. If you move closer and they don’t try to move back, you’re doing OK. But be careful as different cultures have different distances for personal space. Just think how bad it feels in a crowded lift or on the underground.

Voice

If you speak in a flat monotone you will be perceived as boring and dull. Loud will make you overbearing, quiet and soft will make you seem submissive. You need to vary your pitch, pace and volume. Lower your voice at an important moment and watch them move in towards you.

If you want to take flirting to the next level, go and order the Dating Doctor’s quick reference guide to fool-proof flirting.

Peter Spalton, the Dating Doctor, has worked in sales and marketing for 22 years and now uses his expertise to help people sell themselves. He combines selling skills with the science of body language and the art of flirting and seduction.

As the Dating Doctor his speciality is to help people repair their broken body language and master the art of flirting and seduction. He provides one-2-one coaching, runs evening and weekend workshops and speaks at events around the country.

He frequently gives expert advice to newspapers and magazines on a whole host of issues to do with flirting, dating, seduction and body language. He is generally approached for three or four radio interviews every month and has appeared live on Sky News, Channel Five, ITV2, Central TV, BBC Midlands and South, Five Live, Radio 2 and the Asian Network as well as numerous BBC and commercial radio stations around the country. Visit him on the Web at www.thedatingdoctor.co.uk

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